Toasted Dreams and Melted Walkways.

I just found out today that is possible to fall from two places at once. To feel torn and deshelved, to feel used, abused, and missed all in the same moment. I will never understand people or thier hurtful ways, nor will I ever understand mine. Someone once told me that "We don't know what we want until we get what it is we thought we wanted." And then have the 50/50 chance of being disappointed in the outcome. I read in Romans today a very relevant passage. "because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them" 1:20. This whole passage goes on to say that anyone who refuses to believe in God is suppressing the truth, so that they can be unrighteous. They really know he exists, they just don't feel comfortable with that knowledge. And my heart sank at the thought of so much loneliness in my life and in thiers. I keep seeing See's Candies everywhere I turn, and I just want to burn all the bodies intact. I have 11 days until my heart breaks and echoes through the Aral Sea. I refuse to listen to Li any longer, all I want is quiet within my timing, and chaos in my love. But I can't have it both ways, apparently. The red flashes on and urgently as I sit in the dark, wondering where will my heart end up after all the dust settles. 7.2 today and I felt nothing. I had never noticed before how tight my chest gets at the thought of you not being there for me. You say I am your priority but you chose to not be there the day I needed you most, kept drilling me to take it all in, and didn't expect me to push you away to the furthest point possible. Well here I go, and there you wander. Let's see where the rain takes us in the morning, shall we?