Yes, your Grace.

What is it with me and my inconsistency in regards to Blogger?!haha Wow, looking at the date of my last post was a wave of emotions. So much has happened, again. I am now almost 27, in a few weeks, and without my beloved Koopa. My days are filled with pages, clouds, beats and veins. Coming and goings of things unknown. Faces I see everyday but still somehow mean nothing to me. Countless encounters of blind emotions. Hellos and Thank yous. Gold plated dreams in the land of fault lines. A constant aching, an ever changing disposition among the people that don't matter anything to the handshakes I repress. Standing in crowds swaying to the warm winds of the last days of summer. Reminded of the fact we aren't who we were yesterday and still new hope of tomorrow.

Today this is you to me....

 

A peeking sun ray between the blinds,

warming the leather you caress.

So much more than the blinks and smirks.

A heat so staunch, so calm, so intoxicating.

That down the block infatuation, wondering if life is pointing

you in a different direction type of King.

A soul graced with scars and wrinkles,

an occasional freckle on those cheeks of yours.

So kissable.

I don't know what it is about you, taking me out of my cool.

I don't mind, blindly needing to see that smile,

feel the pressure of every bite, every suckle.

Take me to the moon, I wanna be with the stars, said she.

I don't mind being lost in you.

 

 

 

 

 



Lovely Dailies

To know you are truly loved feels as though you are awake for the first time. Your footsteps feel different, your heart beats with more cause. I love you as well. All I know is I am insanely thankful for the smile you bring to my heart. Our time is precious and I promise to never take you for granted.


But you took me for granted in every manner. Retrospect is a funny thing.

Wowsers. First off, let me just say this is the first time I have signed in since my last post. I now live in North Hollywood on my own. In a neighborhood that has changed me for the better. Moving at a pace that bettered my heart, mind, AND body. All negativity is out of my life. I made things this way and REFUSE to let anyone control my heart anymore. Reading over my past posts are an insane insight to how much I have really changed since I started this blog. I refuse to delete my old posts, for they are a great reminder of where I never want to be again. How I walk is even different. My life flows with such beauty and tempo that I can't help but smile all the time. For once in my life, I appreciate my chubby Native American-esque cheeks and they are appreciated by those around me. A life lost and a heart gained is the synopsis of this last year. I will never let you go and I will forever be thankful for the bit of light I saw in the darkness. Ive started to finally read my Catholicism for Dummies book. Im curious. I never knew a dog could make me feel complete, but Koopa has really brightened my life. I truly, whole heartedly believe that he saved me. I love him. Im 25 now, with only a glimpse of what I want for my future. I finally figured out what I want, above all else. Happiness. Im finally getting there and I can't even express the light feeling I have in my chest. This is all for now. I promise to be regular in the posts.

To all those you may come across this. Have a good night.

Kyla.

Timing is not everything these days.

Living in SoCal has been an experience to say the least. Things are so different here. People grew up with a different set of values, see the world as though it is below them, and honestly believe always having a say in things is the way to solve things, even if someone ends up hurt in the end. I miss the dark scary woods, the freezing winters in bed, but most of all I miss being near people I can count on. My only solice in my head has been my books. I want to start sketching again. I find myself doodling on post it's all the time at work, but never take it past the vague lines. Im tired of being told negative things in hopes of getting a daily smile from me. Life doesn't turn that way. Markers eventually fade, and all I am left with is the turning of the tides, forever blinking light signals, and so many things left unsaid. " I know what it takes to move on, I know how it feels to lie, all I want to do is trade this life for something new, holding on to something I don't got. Standing in an empty room, trying to forget the past, this was never meant to last, I wish it wasn't so." I wish I could wake up with a reference guide on "how to be happy with my own perspective".

just wondering.

Why I can't just get things right? I have no clue why I am so fucked in the head and heart. I try. I really do, but it's seemingly never enough for you. Is this how my life will be, always trying with never a care or glance at progress. I need more. I need less. I need time and space. I know I hurt you and I have kept a count on your trespasses against me. But all I can do is sit and wait. Does that seem right to you?

Mama Boss.

Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours

What am I even suppose to do? What can I say to you? It's like waves in the ocean I never touched, the last rays of sun on a beach I never sat. Sulfur is always in the air with you. It's something I miss dearly. Time is not on my side, and I took the road less traveled. and ended up lost in the woods. Damp, dark, and alone. Here. Alone. Dragons and dollops of whip cream So sweet only exist in this new refurbished world, I now call home.

I thought everything was perfect. I didn't see it how you felt. I rushed in with my hands over my eyes and my heart pushed out. Ready to take over the world with you, and after awhile discovered I was running alone and in the wrong direction. Red Pinwheels of useless tears and horrible horrible fears of not knowing where you went, without me noticing. How did this happen. What did I do so right, that had me close my eyes so tight as to not really see.

You forgave my trespasses, that was a gamble I knew you would win. I loved every fiber you, and you seemingly only loved some of mine. Where does that leave me? How cold will I be without your pinky toes to pop. or your snores to adore.

My feet were firmly planted in the idea of you and I. The longevity, the support, the love we found. The right and the wrongs were all the reasons to be there, to hold you, to help you, and to hold your hand through everything. No matter how weak you may have felt, I promised you and never intended upon ever giving up. You are my talisman. Ask me to read to you what I mean by that. My words one day will be in a book dedicated to you. Is not our love truly a heavenly structure, and also as firm as the vault of heaven? Much as you love me - I love you more - But do not ever conceal yourself from me.

Lightening rushes through my soul, out my finger tips, all the way to your heart. I know you feel me. Even from 2292 miles away.

So this next move is crucial you say?

We all carry these things
Inside that no one else can see
They hold us down like anchors
They drown us out at sea
I look up to the sky
There may be nothing there to see
But if I don't believe in him
Why would he believe in me?♥

Please note that a heart may sink of guilt and fly of surrender. but no matter where you land or soar, your problems will always find you. I can't stop. I'm sorry that we didn't go to the same place, I thought we would, I really did, but I guess that is what I get for relying on statistical errors. To love a Nazi is to love a Basterd, so why am I so ungoddamnfuckinghappy? Shit.

Toasted Dreams and Melted Walkways.

I just found out today that is possible to fall from two places at once. To feel torn and deshelved, to feel used, abused, and missed all in the same moment. I will never understand people or thier hurtful ways, nor will I ever understand mine. Someone once told me that "We don't know what we want until we get what it is we thought we wanted." And then have the 50/50 chance of being disappointed in the outcome. I read in Romans today a very relevant passage. "because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them" 1:20. This whole passage goes on to say that anyone who refuses to believe in God is suppressing the truth, so that they can be unrighteous. They really know he exists, they just don't feel comfortable with that knowledge. And my heart sank at the thought of so much loneliness in my life and in thiers. I keep seeing See's Candies everywhere I turn, and I just want to burn all the bodies intact. I have 11 days until my heart breaks and echoes through the Aral Sea. I refuse to listen to Li any longer, all I want is quiet within my timing, and chaos in my love. But I can't have it both ways, apparently. The red flashes on and urgently as I sit in the dark, wondering where will my heart end up after all the dust settles. 7.2 today and I felt nothing. I had never noticed before how tight my chest gets at the thought of you not being there for me. You say I am your priority but you chose to not be there the day I needed you most, kept drilling me to take it all in, and didn't expect me to push you away to the furthest point possible. Well here I go, and there you wander. Let's see where the rain takes us in the morning, shall we?

Impossible Yes's

Freedom comes in many forms. Whether it be through dominance or reliance, it should never be taken for granted. Tablets to be taken twice a day may make one feel better, but will only delay what is to come. To let go. To say nice things, to love one wholly. I once needed to understand why someone could love something so hideous, so pale. But once I met a dragon of similar heart, of warming love. Time seemed to never be so still in the wave of such pain. I feel so tied to everything, it all never stops. Today could have been the day I fell asleep and never woke up, if only one could be so lucky. Line after Line the weeks go by, only to find myself amongst poets,midnight riders, and lovers of the like. Dr. Dr. please come to my rescue.In Slow Motion. After The Movies. Then and only then will my smile be unhinged, only then will I feel truly bare in front of the mirror. I needed you this whole time, only to find that you were a limited edition obcession to be had. Two plane rides, two uncomfortable souls, and a desolate crowded baggage claim. The hills I climbed just to nestle right next to you is only as low as the level of sugar in my soy milk. Please get to me on time. Please say goodnight. Shots rang in the dark, Drip Drip Drip. Hey Arnold, yeah you, Football head. Gordita. I need you. Autumn roses ashes rising. Eighteen petals to count, nectar to fiend after, and love only to be found in a soulmate that was there all along. Thank you for breathing, thank you for sweeping me, Danke para sharing in so much of my longing. To be held is the goal, to be loved is the result. Only one last thing to take care of on the way out of this town that I had been stuck in for so long. The shadows creeped away, the clouds came out to play, and I finally feel free in my own heart. Welcome to DaveyDaveyDavey land. Or atleast that's the way I remember it.

Daze and Nights.

I need to let it all go. My heart will never be the same without you, but it's a good thing really. It's raining outside where the rainbows play.Life is knocking at my back door but I am choosing to keep it dead bolted. I feel like the clouds are screaming at me to get out from behind the trees,from behind my fears, and to stop shedding so many tears. The time is now, the Goonies are on, and my penmanship is horrible.This letter will never get finished.And one will never arrive. My God what did I get myself into. I'll tell you, I landed in safety, I landed in horror, I landed in the hills of Darroh. I can't believe how much I care for you, so soon , so sudden death. Where it will end, I have no clue, but to tell the truth, I don't want it to disappear, I can't breathe without it. With the knowledge that it might end, it almost makes me wish it had never happened in the first place. Heinz here and Red Gold there. You disregard my heart and how I feel about her statuesque place in your heart. I deleted and depleted his place in my life, only to find broken promises. Too much hope, not enough fire. I hope I can show you I'm not the liar. You raze my house, I'll slit your throat. The only person who will ever stay is Chester A. Arthur.Hello Goodbye.

2292

So here I am, in this cuddled cozy palace, feeling as though all the cats around me won't quit staring, wont quit purring, and won't leave me be. Apparently I am suppose to stare back. I need my days to be normal, but I have decided to be a recluse. My heart feels so alone so much of the time now that I dont know what to do with my hands. I think I will clean my mom's fridge tomorrow. This grandfather clock is going to be the end of me.

Icy Hydration Simulator

The blazing forrest which to be lost in has come crumbling down around the feet of forgotten homes and lost dogs. My fear was proven and given up solely for that See's Candy. Pages upon pages of need material were borrowed and burrowed only to be pushed into existence and fate. The lies the toad spits and anger of the lamb, leave the Lion only hoping for safety among clouds. 1234 789 is how the world will begin again. Consumed by sugar left to blaze only to find that we all could have simply said please stop.

Life's a Squeeze

Thank you for reminding why I don't take the time and put in the effort.

Who is I.

I hide behind alot of things in my life. Not because I am not brave, but because I am comfortable there. Not too many people see me for you I really am. The point of this ,thing, is to allow you here, near me. In my head, and around my heart. In the matter of my soul and spirit, most times I am lost,but there are days where I am completely content. Those days are some of my worst. I feel guilty sometimes being happy. I have encountered so much negativity in the world and sadness in others' eyes, that I feel guilty being happy. How lame is that. My eyes change colour. Some think it is with my mood, but I sometimes I feel like they are as free as the wind blows. But always guarded. Everything in my life is guarded except for one thing. My love for God. It will never cease. My chest says "I die only when God is dead." and my neck says "Blessed". Where do you think I stand?